KUALA LUMPUR residents are advised to strike random kawaii poses every so often when in public, as the camera lenses of voyeuristic sniper shutterbugs are apparently perpetually trained on every inch of our capital city. And don’t try to sneak public nose picking sessions – you WILL be captured on film, your picture will find its way to Instagram and your BOOGER will be tagged and ‘liked’. Image caption: “KL folks sure know how to par-tay.”
UK-based transport company Hoppa unveiled its list of the world’s most Instagrammed destinations in 2019 last week – and cam-who*e KL makes a busty, pouty, Vaseline lens-filtered appearance in the glitzy line-up.
Hoppa, which combed promiscuously-photo-sharing Instagram for hashtagged holiday images of the globe’s 50 top tourist destinations, broke down its results into five categories: Selfies, Scenery, Sexually Suggestive (Oh God, it’s Ramadan!), Food and Couples/Wefies.
ALWAYS ready for a close-up, make-up and Botox-free KL ranked 4th in the Scenery category, trailing Santiago, Chile; Buenos Aires, Argentina; and Kiev, Ukraine (say what?!). But “Muddy Estuary” managed to elbow its way past tourism divas like Phuket, San Francisco and Antalya, Turkey. (Where’s your God now, Antalya?)
KL also photobombed the Food (fight) division, placing 7th after Tokyo, Taipei, Doha, Istanbul, Osaka and Bangkok. A rather low placing, but Malaysia’s world-beloved cuisine, with its modest aesthetics, doesn’t lend itself to ogling and sexual objectification (tempoyak is NOT photogenic). It’s more about mouth-gasms.
As for the other categories – Berlin, Shanghai and Seoul dominated Selfies; Dubai, Mumbai and Paris led Couples/Wefies; while Rio de Janeiro, Hong Kong and Caracas (Venezuela) topped Sexually Suggestive. (Pounding sambal can be “sexually suggestive”, so this subjective category is a bit iffy). But if Malaysians could opportunistically start pounding sambal en masse in the vicinity of local tourist traps like Pasar Seni, we could crack this category too.
As for the overall list, Malaysia ranks a slightly droopy 39th – down from its peak of 29th in 2016.
London is 2019’s most Instagrammed destination in the world with almost 120 million images, followed by Paris (100 million) and New York City (over 80 million). NEVER HEARD OF THEM.
Since KL is lightyears outside the orbit of the top three, you KL-ites need to start taking matters into your own hands. When you next cross paths with a wide-eyed, snap-happy tourist, create a scene. Break into song, or fake a heart attack. Set yourself on fire, or (gently) beat your kid. Do whatever it takes to get yourself, and KL, photographed.
You have to look at the big picture here, folks.
World’s most Instagrammed destinations in 2019
2. Buenos Aires
3. Kiev (Ukraine)
4. Kuala Lumpur
5. Antalya (Turkey)
6. Cape Town
8. San Francisco
9. Budapest (Hungary)
10. Lagos (Nigeria)
7. Kuala Lumpur
9. Abu Dhabi
3. New York City
7. Los Angeles
39. Kuala Lumpur
50. Cancun (Mexico)